That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
