I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
