I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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