I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
