the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
