I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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