I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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