PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
