You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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