bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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