Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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