I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
one might say we're banned from that church
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
