You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
