Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
