I just threw up on my dentist
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
