Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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