I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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