And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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