For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
