So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
