WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
