In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
