Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
