I am puke
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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