I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
