I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
