By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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