I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
