My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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