I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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