haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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