If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
