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Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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