Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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