i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
