so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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