There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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