i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
