just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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