11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
