I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
