Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
operation have a gay friend backfired
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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