I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
