It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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