I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
