We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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