my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
