apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
