If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
