Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
this hospital has no fireball
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize