I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
