Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
