I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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