i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
