i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
