people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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