I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
