apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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