His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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