did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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