Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
