I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
