My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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