Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
