problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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